Mark Plays ‘Dragon Age: Origins’: Hour 39 / Return to Ostagar DLC

In the thirty-ninth hour of Dragon Age: Origins, I face the Landsmeet, nothing goes as expected, and then, RETURN TO OSTAGAR SHIT YEAH. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to play Dragon Age: Origins.

Hour Thirty-Nine

The Landsmeet did not disappoint. At all.

For such a pivotal part of this game, one I’d been looking forward to for many hours, I really enjoyed this. Oh man, I just love it when all the little things you do over the course of a game matter in the end. As Loghain began his ridiculous, overwrought speech about how much he cared for Ferelden and how “offended” he was about this absurd injustice, I just wanted to punch faces. Yeah, his face might not be as punchable as Arl Howe’s, but it’s a close second place. Most of the Landsmeet, I just tried to convince others that Loghain was terrible, and I’m thankful that my persuasion/coercion is at the highest level. Still, it seemed like Loghain had the upper hand. How could people see he clearly was a terrible choice?

AND THEN ANORA SHOWED UP, DESTROYING EVERYTHING. THANK YOU, ANORA, YOU ARE INCREDIBLE. In less than 60 seconds, Loghain was flabbergasted and bewildered by Anora’s stunning logic. I couldn’t believe how fast this was happening. The momentum shifted, and the issue was put to a vote.

SIX OUT OF SEVEN VOTES SUPPORTED THE GREY WARDEN. Oh my god, Loghain thought he was going to wind by a landslide, and I destroyed him. Take that, you Mitt Romney son of a bumblebee. You didn’t even prepare a concession speech, did you, you arrogant toad? Nope! HAHAHA, I AM RELISHING IN THIS MOMENT, THIS IS GREAT, I CAN’T WAIT TO G–

what

wait

what

WHY DO I HAVE TO DUEL LOGHAIN. NO. I WON, FAIR AND SQUARE, THIS IS BOGUS.

Oh shit, it’s going down.

You better believe I chose to fight this battle myself.

OH SHIT, AERIAL SHOT. LIVES WILL BE LOST. HEARTS WILL BE BROKEN. BLOOD WILL BE SHED.

And then I beat Loghain in like 45 seconds. HAHAHAHAHA, WOW, HE WAS EASY AS FUCK. It’s probably because I have the Punisher skill now. That thing destroys. I just stunned him, hit him with Punisher, buttstabbed him a few times, and repeated. DONE. GONE. GO AWAY. FUCK YES, I KILLED LOGHAIN.

Except I didn’t. This went immediately to a cutscene, and fucking Riordan had to go and suggest THE WORST FUCKING IDEA HUMANLY POSSIBLE. No, Riordan, for real, HE LEFT YOU IN A CELL TO ROT AFTER TORTURING YOU AND DESIGNATING ALL YOUR FELLOW GREY WARDENS AS ENEMIES OF THE STATE. Why on earth would you ever think it acceptable to give him another chance like this? Even worse, I don’t think a single moment in this entire game has ever upset Alistair so much. He was livid. I was about to make him king, so you sure as hell bet I’m not going to piss him off even further.

EXCEPT THIS FURTHER COMPLICATED EVERYTHING, TOO! Because now Anora REFUSED TO HONOR THE AGREEMENT SHE MADE EARLIER. She won’t marry Alistair because her BIGOT FATHER was executed! Your father was a dirty bigot! SHUT UP! So I had to now choose between Anora as queen and Alistair as king. Ugh, why? WHY SO MANY DIFFICULT CHOICES? Ultimately, I made Alistair king. He was the rightful heir, and Anora pissed me off just a bit too much. And further proving that everything is morally gray and fucked up, Alistair has to lock Anora up in the dungeons because she’s now a “threat” to the throne.

This is fucked up, y’all. And then Alistair has the nerve to lose 6 approval points with me. WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO, DUDE? I gave you Loghain to kill! Isn’t that worth something? Oh god, probably not. His speech about the Blight, by the way, is just awful. He might be the most awkward king in Ferelden ever.

But at least this was out of the way. You know what that means!

RETURN TO OSTAGAR

As it stands, I’m happy I was told to play this DLC after the Landsmeet. Thematically, it fits perfectly after this moment. Like my trip through the Alienage, I’m visiting a place that I hadn’t been to in ages. Oh gosh, remember how unprepared I was when I first came to Ostagar? Now, Elric has sent me on a crucial mission: find the key he’s hidden in camp, get Meric’s documents and swords, and clear the darkspawn out. Initially, this seemed a little too easy. I didn’t understand why this was a paid DLC. It seemed so small. I was happy, though, that I leveled up to 20, which meant  could finally get DUAL WEAPON MASTERY. I can wield TWO ONE-HANDED SWORDS AT ONCE. So you better believe to I used Meric’s Sword as soon as I found it!

I did like that I was getting to see a completely destroyed Ostagar. The entire camp is in ruins, and snow liberally covers the ground. It was a reminder that I was only one of three Grey Wardens left, that this is what Loghain did to us, and that I had a huge fight ahead of me. And then I found that I could cross that huge bridge towards the Tower of Ishal, and I discovered King Cailan’s body. Wow. Wow. This flashback is bleak as fuck. And it leads way to THREE DEMONS SPAWNING ON THE BRIDGE, which gave me a chance to use Morrigan’s incredible lightning field attack. I ordered everyone to stay put, set the lightning storm about 20 feet in front of us, and the demons walked right into it. HELL YES.

My hour ran out just after Alistair said we needed to go to the Tower of Ishal. Oh god, do I get to go inside of it again? I just want to kill more darkspawn, y’all. :(

My Character Stats

Strength: 27+6
Dexterity: 36+12
Willpower: 23+2
Magic: 14+2
Cunning: 24+2
Constitution: 27+2

Heroic Stats

Kills: 679
Damage dealt: 165312
Friendly-fire: 0
Greatest damage dealt: 90
Contribution to party damage: 29
Hit rate: 88
Most powerful foe slain: Arl Howe
Injuries: 33

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